22
Dec 2004
Ding Ding Dong
The name of the Christmas song “Jingle Bells” is 圣诞铃声 (something like “Christmas Bells”) in Chinese. But the famous English refrain “jingle bells, jingle bells” in Chinese is the onomatopoeic “叮叮当, 叮叮当,” which sounds like “ding ding dong, ding ding dong” to Western ears. It doesn’t sound at all like sleigh bells ringing to us, it just sounds really funny (or maybe like doorbells). In my experience, every Westerner who learns these Chinese lyrics busts out laughing.
I tried to find a Mandarin Chinese version of “Jingle Bells” using Baidu MP3 Search. All I turned up was a version which I originally thought was Cantonese, but two Cantonese-speaking friends say it isn’t. The refrain definitely sounds like “ding ding dong” though. My guess is it’s Vietnamese. Can anyone identify the language?
I was disappointed because I can’t understand the lyrics, but I think the song may sound even funnier this way. I’m not one to mock any language, but this song — like the Chinese version — just sounds really funny, for cultural reasons, I guess. Give it a listen:
Asian Jingle Bells (1.2MB MP3 file, 64kbps)
I was able to find the Mandarin “Jingle Bells” lyrics, but they obviously don’t match up to this MP3. If you’re interested in the Mandarin version, continue reading below.
Merry Christmas!
21
Dec 2004Prime Throat
I got these “throat lozenges” (more like mints) for free on the street of some city I visited this year on business. I liked the package, so I kept it. I finally got a scanner as an early Christmas present this past weekend. (Thanks, mom and dad!) Now I can throw it away. (The package, not the scanner.)
P.S. Yes, having a scanner means Chinese Calvin & Hobbes scans, and many, many other things, coming soon…
19
Dec 2004Rapping Flight Attendant
Through “anonymous sources” I’ve been hearing for a while now about how unhappy the flight attendants at China Eastern are. They have little job security, their lives are not their own, and they get treated terribly by both passengers and management. Don’t worry, though, I’m not going to start pretending I’m a journalist. This is just the context which has produced the following MP3:
《旅客不是上帝》
Passengers aren’t God
(4.34 MB)
The rap is in Shanghainese, and it’s basically a flight attendant venting about passengers and their attitudes. The first verse goes something like this (my apologies in advance for the translation):
Ah, poor me, poor me
Let me sing about it like a bird (yeah)
Why are there so many morons in our society today?
They think just because they’ve got some money
They’re all big and bad
Know what pal? I can’t do everything
Don’t get on my plane and cause a big fuss
You’ll know I mean it
When I smack you upside the head
Damn, what do you want?
Filing complaints at the slightest thing
Who do you think you are?
You’re a moron (yeah), a moron
The young lady who raps in this song has quite a few other tunes as well, which have made the rounds at China Eastern and are now getting around on the Chinese internet in general. My source tells me that at first the singer succeeded in staying anonymous, but then she was caught writing lyrics on the job by co-workers. There are actually several girls involved. My source does not know of any repurcussions that the writers have suffered thus far.
I’m not going to bother translating the whole song into English, but I recommend you give it a listen. It’s really quite professionally done (a little “borrowing” from Eminem aside), and the background vocals are funny. It also has a cute ending.
Below you’ll find a Mandarin version of the lyrics which a friend wrote out for me, followed by the “Shanghainese” lyrics which were posted online. The “Shanghainese” lyrics are pretty annoying because they’re written phonetically — things like 弄 being used for 侬, 进早 for 今朝, etc. Anyway, I didn’t write any of these, so I can’t guarantee their accuracy. If anyone wants to make corrections (Naus?), they’d be welcome.
16
Dec 2004Cunning McDonalds
We all know that that McDonalds has marketing masters guiding the conquest of every last prime urban location on the globe. Sometimes seeing the results of their efforts is kind of scary though.
The two pictures above (click for the full images) were taken at separate kindergartens in Shanghai. And you can bet the phenomenon is more widespread here in China than just two kindergartens. I’ve seen a few other companies pull the same kind of advertising stunts in kindergartens, but McDonalds is way ahead of the competition.
I asked at the kindergarten which owns the McDonalds stand playset, and they did indeed buy it with their own money. The kids love that playset. (I don’t know the story for the other one; I was only there briefly.) But it’s pretty amazing… in China, too, people are buying products from McDonalds to advertise for free for McDonalds. Even in kindergartens.
15
Dec 2004Empowered Laowai
I just discovered a cool new blog called Liuzhou Laowai (via danwei.org). I especially related to his story about how he got his power switched back on through guanxi. It reminded me of how I got my Chinese credit card, and also of the time I also had my power shut off myself (sort of).
The problem is that a lot of the utility companies in Shanghai are way too nice. One time I forgot to pay my gas bill or my water bill, and I didn’t even realize it until the next bill came. It charged me for both months. Realizing I had neglected to pay the previous month, I looked for a late fee. There was none.
Naturally, I took this as a loud and clear I can pay my bills whenever the hell I get around to it! I became very lax about paying.
Pretty soon I found out that the power company don’t play that game. When you’re late paying they send you a reminder, and if you still don’t pay, they send someone over with a notice that they’re shutting off your power in three days if you don’t pay up.
When I got that notice, I renounced my derelict ways and immediately headed over to the office to offer my monetary contrition. They reassured me that since I paid in time my power would not be shut off. I was relieved.
Day three came around. It was a Saturday. I was taking a morning shower, when the water suddenly went cold. This is not so strange, because the gas water heater for that shower is an old capricious bastard. I was used to wrestling with the thing every time I showered, dodging alternating icy and scalding blasts in my desperate dance to get clean. This time, however, the water didn’t get hot again as it usually did. Wouldn’t you know it — I was all soaped up, and now if I wanted to rinse off I had to use ice water to do it.
I got out of the shower all soapy and went to the breakers. They were all on. This could only mean one thing: they shut off my power!
I was forced to rinse off with ice water.
I figured whoever had just shut off the power was still in the building, so if I got dressed quickly, I could catch him and coax him into turning it back on. As soon as I got out the front door I saw a guy fiddling with the electricity meters. It turned out the whole buildings’ meters were decrepit and needed to be replaced, so we were all experiencing about 20 minutes of no power while the meters got swapped. My power was back on shortly.
Personal note: I have successfully moved into my new place, but the wireless network isn’t ready yet, so I still don’t have internet access at home yet.
13
Dec 2004On Fish
Conversation 1:
> Chinese person: Why don’t you like fish?
> Me: I like fish, it’s just hard to eat it with all these tiny bones in it.
> Chinese person: Don’t fish in America have bones in them too?
> Me: Yes, but the chef removes them. That’s his job.
Question: Do Westerners not eat a lot of (otherwise tasty) fish simply because they have too many bones?
Conversation 2:
> Me: I come from Florida.
> Chinese person: Oh, your home is by the ocean. You must eat a lot of fish there.
> Me: No, not really.
> Chinese person: Why not?
> Me: Ummm… I don’t know, we just don’t.
Question: Yeah, why don’t we? Simple economics?
10
Dec 2004Shanghai Streets Music
I while back I added a new blog to the CBL called Shanghai Streets. It’s a photoblog covering life in Shanghai. It has had some good shots. My favorite so far is probably these shopping girls, but I really like this building, and this picture of Taco Popo, a decent attempt at Mexican that I’ll always remember fondly. So there’s a photoblog to keep your eye on. You’ll also notice that zanhe.com (mentioned in a previous comment on Shanghainese) is using Shanghai Streets’ images (with permission).
Anyway, recently Shanghai Streets has expanded its scope to cover Shanghai’s local music scene. This is pretty great, if you ask me. People in Shanghai complain about a lack of a good local music scene, but I think the truth is that most people aren’t aware that they can regularly go see metal, hip hop, punk, and indie rock shows in Shanghai. I was only dimly aware myself until recently. Shanghai’s offerings might be sort of pathetic for as monstrous a city as it is, but Beijing does not have the monopoly on a Chinese local music scene.
Shanghai Streets: Music is a group music blog. The group members post reviews of local shows they have seen. Perhaps even more useful, though, is the calendar which lists all the upcoming underground shows. You won’t see all these in That’s Shanghai.
Micah recently brought a great site to my attention called SmartShanghai. It’s an awesome site, but it looks like it mostly caters to the rich expat clubbing niche. Shanghai Streets fulfills a different need. If you’re in Shanghai and you’re at all interested in the local band scene, be sure to check it out.
There are three shows coming up this Saturday alone. Too bad I’ll be moving into my new apartment all day. I’m definitely going to go see Cold Fairyland and the Verse on Monday.
09
Dec 2004Code Switching in the Car
Code switching: a term in linguistics referring to alternating between one or more languages or dialects in the middle of discourse between people who have more than one language in common. —Wikipedia
I was riding with my girlfriend in her car. We were pulling up to my apartment, and the guard was motioning to her.
Legend: SHH=上海话 (Shanghainese), PTH=普通话 (Mandarin)
> Her (SHH): Can’t I park here?
> Guard (SHH): No, you need to park over there.
> Her (SHH): Oh, over there?
> Guard (SHH): Yeah.
> Her (PTH): OK, got it, thanks.
> Guard (SHH): No problem.
> Me (PTH): Why did you use Mandarin just now?
> Her (PTH): I wasn’t sure if he knew Shanghainese.
> Me (PTH): What are you talking about? He spoke to you in Shanghainese, and you were replying at first in Shanghainese.
> Her (PTH): Oh.
> Me (PTH): So why did you switch?
> Her (PTH): I don’t know. Why are you giving me a hard time?
Ever since I first came to Shanghai I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s any pattern to the way bilingual speakers in Shanghai use Shanghainese and Mandarin. There are some obvious general patterns, but other times (as in the above example) there seems to be no reason at all.
It’s a little frustrating. Most people don’t pay much attention to their own natural linguistic processes and aren’t too keen on metalinguistic self-examinations either, which doesn’t help my understanding any.
Don’t Chinese people know they’re all supposed to be cooperating with me on this “understanding the Chinese language” thing?
07
Dec 2004What's with all the poetry?
So what’s with all the poetry lately? Chinese poetry, even.
Since he’s no longer in China, Brendan has converted Bokane.org into a Chinese poetry translation showcase. Brendan has a lot of courage to tackle such a task, and he repeatedly surprises me with his skill.
Words are Pretty is sporting a cool new look, and John delved into some Chinese poetry over there too, which you might have missed if you’re not a frequent reader because he’s been relatively prolific these past few days.
Meanwhile Roddy leads us to Chinese-poems.com. As Roddy points out, the presentation method is great for the student. Each poem is presented as: (1) Chinese characters (simplified and traditional!), (2) pinyin (with tone marks!), (3) word-for-word translation, and (4) natural English translation.
If you like Chinese poetry, there ya go. If you don’t, then you can breathe a sigh of relief. That’s probably the most you’ll see about poetry on this weblog for the foreseeable future….
06
Dec 2004Legend of the White Ferret
You ever hear the stories about the alligators in the New York City sewers, or the monkeys and boa constrictors living in the wilds of the Florida Everglades? What would you say to a story of a white ferret living in the bushes surrounding an apartment complex in downtown Shanghai?
I probably wouldn’t pay much attention if I heard such a story, but I never did hear it. Rather, I’ve seen it multiple times with my own eyes, scurrying from one clump of bushes to another, always at night. Unmistakably a ferret.
I’m moving into a new place in Shanghai next weekend (there’s a post about that coming soon), and I’ve been thinking about what I’ll miss about my current place. I’ll miss its convenient downtown location. I’ll miss the view of the city lights out my bedroom window. And, I suppose I’ll miss the mysterious white ferret.
03
Dec 2004Chinese Three-Dot Tattoos
Tian over at Hanzismatter is doing a good job showcasing bad tattoo choices Westerners make. This post has nothing to do with that kind of tattoo. I’m talking about a kind of tattoo that Chinese people themselves get. I’ve seen it on multiple occasions. It’s a small tattoo consisting of three dots (usually, I think) on the back of the hand near the base of the thumb. I keep meaning to ask people about the meaning of their tattoo when I see it, but somehow it’s never convenient.
I looked for a picture of this kind of tattoo on the web, and I only turned up this one small picture. It came from a Shanghai hospital’s website offering plastic surgery and tattoo removal services.
I asked Tian about it, thinking he may know something about it, but he was only able to offer this link, which is about quite adifferent kind of tattoo. Does anyone know anything about this?
01
Dec 2004Untested Cooking Scheme
Back in the days before I had an ayi to cook for me, I taught spoken English classes at ZUCC in Hangzhou. I had a pretty nice apartment there with a full kitchen. I could have easily hired a cook there too, but never did. I rarely cooked myself, besides boiling frozen dumplings in instant soup and then dousing them with sweet and spicy sauce. Most of my meals were spent with my awesome co-workers at ZUCC.
Still, in my last semester at ZUCC I hatched a plan. It was cunning. It was brilliant. It was never put into effect. But maybe there’s still hope for some enterprising teachers in China if I share it in my blog.
OK, let me lay it out for you.
- When I was there, the teachers at ZUCC liked home-cooked meals, but they were lazy. For some reason they were also unwilling to hire a cook.
- The students ate in the cafeteria day after day. They longed for home-cooked food, but had no cooking facilities. Some of them were even great cooks, but had no way to share their gift.
Do you see where I’m going with this? You may think you do, but it gets better.
The process goes like this:
- Announce to each class that you’re holding a cooking competition in your own home. Students who wish to enter should enter in teams of 2 or 3. Have them sign up and include what evenings they’re free. Share with them your judging criteria and tell them what cooking facilities/supplies you have. Tell them they will be cooking enough food for 4-5 people.
- Create a schedule for the teams. There are several ways you can do it. If you have a lot of classes, you might want to assign a whole week (Monday through Friday) to each class. Each night of that week one team would come to your place and then cook and eat with you. Alternatively, you could assign a day of the week to each class, and a different team could come every week.
- Tell the students they have a 20rmb budget for the dinner (which is plenty). They know what they’re going to make, so they need to buy the ingredients and then show up at your place to prepare it. Unless you’re a jerk, you should reimburse the students the 20rmb. You might have to fight to make them take it, but you really should. If they spent less than 20rmb, they’ll give you the change. I really doubt any students would try to “make money” by making a super cheap meal.
- Stay out of the way while your students prepare the meal. Two or three people is plenty to get the job done. When the meal is done, take pictures of it with your digital camera.
- Around this time, the “guest judge” of the evening arrives. That’s your friend. (If you want, you can even charge him 10rmb for the meal or make him help with the dishes.)
- After the meal chat with the students for a while and then secretly write down your judgments.
- Your students will probably try to wash your dishes for you (but not in every case). Handle that how you see fit.
- Put the pictures online with a description. You might want to include the judges’ scores. That’s your call.
I think originally I had it all worked out to the point where I could even make money on the scheme, and everyone was happy. Perhaps it’s better that it never went into effect, though. It had all the makings of a scandal.
Sooo… who’s gonna try it?? (Let me know.)
28
Nov 2004Eat Poop You Cat
“Eat Poop You Cat” is a party game I recently discovered via Metafilter. The premise:
> Each person writes a sentence, such as, say, “The hot soup burned my tongue.” The next person illustrates the sentence. Then the first portion is folded over, and the next person must try to reproduce the original sentence from the drawing. Then the drawing is folded over, and another illustration is produced.
> The mutations can be hilarious. You don’t have to “know how to” draw. You don’t have to “know how to” write. Just keep the papers moving, until the space is used up. They must end with a sentence, not an illustration. Then you can compare.
Just looking through the online game results was plenty entertaining (especially the PG-13 ones), but it certainly wasn’t enough. I wanted to play it. When they visited last weekend Carl and Alf were similarly fired up by the possibilities. We played a lame 3-person game and the results were promising, but it was clear that in order to harness the full hilarity power of the game you need more people.
I also mused about how it might be playing with Chinese people. Carl, Alf, and I have all taught Chinese kids, and we all feel they often lack imagination. Would it be any fun playing with them? What about playing in Chinese? Would I be able to write and read enough to fully participate in an all-Chinese version of the game? Would it be possible to play a bilingual version? These were all just thoughts floating around in my head. I had no idea when I’d have a chance to test them out.
Then last Friday my girlfriend told me she was going to hang out with some classmates on Saturday and wanted me to hang out with them. Oh great, I thought. A day of hanging out with a bunch of people I don’t know, who are all speaking in Shanghainese which I only partially understand, and probably playing Chinese card games which I hate. But my girlfriend is always a good sport about hanging out with my friends despite her limited English ability. I like to think that’s because my friends are especially cool. Still, the right thing seemed to be to go along and not whine.
So I showed up and met them all. I got the usual round of foreigner comments, and then we ate dinner. After dinner someone had the great idea of playing cards. Everyone was speaking Shanghainese. My imagined unwanted scenario had become reality. I hate that stupid card game, so I just sat behind my girlfriend and watched her play, trying to participate what little I could in the conversation.
After they played a good five or six rounds of cards, though, I had had enough. Some of the people there were pretty fun; I decided Eat Poop You Cat stood a chance. I suggested we play a game I knew of. Paper and pens were passed out. I explained the rules. Everyone was enthusiastic about it, and the game began.
I knew it was going to be a hit when people were already laughing hard after the second and third passes of the first round. Looking at the results of the first round, my girlfriend was laughing so hard it must have hurt. Everyone was laughing.
Although we had started playing when the evening was already winding down, we played for a good two hours, switching seats and everything. The game succeeded far beyond my modest expectations. I had no problems with other people’s Chinese, except when someone wrote 在法院审理案件. I knew it was something happening in a court of law, but I was unclear exactly what. I fudged it by drawing people talking in a courthouse. Worked fine. Turns out 审理案件 means “to try/hear a case.” Close enough.
Some sample sentences translated to English from memory (sorry, no drawings), in no particular order:
- The monk prayed over the dead body.
- Long live Maoist Thought!
- The two chickens clucked and blew up balloons with their butts at the same time.
- Ugly people can find each other without using the phone if they just take off their clothes.
- The mother got angry because her son brought home a slut and castrated him.
Conclusions? At least this group of Chinese people had more than enough imagination to have a blast at this game. The fear that Chinese didn’t have enough imagination to have a good time with the game was unwarranted. And Eat Poop You Cat is awesome.
26
Nov 2004Darkie Toothpaste
This Asian toothpaste (now called “Darlie”) has been brought up on the China blog scene before, but I’m revisiting it (prompted by Matt in Xi’an) because I recently found a picture of the old toothpaste clearly showing the old name and the new name, as well as the old logo and the new logo.
Yikes. That really is offensive.
From Toothpaste World:
> Hong Kong’s Hazel & Hawley Chemical Co. would probably still be hawking Darkie toothpaste had the company not been acquired by Colgate. The Darkie brand’s Al Jolson-inspired logo, a grinning caricature in blackface and a top hat, was as offensive as its name. Colgate bought the company in 1985, and then ditched the logo and changed the product’s name to Darlie after US civil rights groups protested. However, the Cantonese name – Haak Yahn Nga Gou [黑人牙膏] (Black Man Toothpaste) – remains.
Wow, I never imagined I’d be cool enough to have reason to quote “Toothpaste World” on my own website.
26
Nov 2004Gccgle
A while back I stumbled upon this Chinese site called “Gccgle.” The name can only be a lame rip on Google’s name, and yet the site posts a copyright notice inviting users to take note that the site’s name shouldn’t be confused with Google’s because “Gccgle” has two Cs instead of Os. Please.
Gccgle’s Chinese name is ¿á¹·Íø. I guess it would translate as something like “cool dog network.” ¿á¹· (k¨´g¨¯u) sounds similar to “Google” to Chinese ears. (But remember, it’s not the same!)
The Gccgle people claim to be Pagerank experts. One of the services offered is a boost in Pagerank. I have my doubts about a company with such a shameless name, but they actually did produce a program (Chinese interface) that’s kind of cool, when it isn’t freezing up. The software tells you where in Google’s rankings your site turns up for a certain search. For example, I could put in “www.sinosplice.com” as the site, and then “supermodel emo band” and discover that my site ranks #48 for this search without actually having to scroll through the search results on Google’s page. The advanced search lets you do multiple searches for a site at once. Could be useful. The program froze up after a couple of searches every time I used it, though.
Oh, and if there was any doubt as to the company’s lack of integrity regarding copyright issues, it’s partners with a site called google8.net. Google8.net’s logo is Google’s with an 8 added on the end. Pathetic.
25
Nov 2004感恩节快乐！
潘吉 says:
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
美娜 says:
感谢天感谢地感谢共产党感谢社会主义
潘吉 says:
haha
美娜 says:
就会傻笑
24
Nov 2004Hunting! Ha ha!
My company has been doing some Thanksgiving activities lately. It’s my responsibility to help design the activities to make them educational both in basic vocabulary as well as in cultural content. It’s also my responsibility to execute some of the activities. This involves such excellent speaking opportunities as explaining in Chinese to a group of kids the basic history and traditions of American Thanksgiving.
So the other day I found myself explaining to some kindergarteners about the Indians (my company’s choice of vocabulary, not mine). It seems that the Chinese would be happy to portray them as ridiculous savages, so I go out of my way to make them seem badass in their own way. I tell the kids how the Indians were really in tune with nature, and how they knew all about the plants and animals, and how they never had problems finding food on the land.
During my narration I mentioned that the Indians would hunt. I used the Chinese word ´òÁÔ. A simple translation. But when I used the word, I noticed that one of my co-workers laughed. I was suddenly self-conscious. Did I pronounce the word wrong? ´ò: third tone, ÁÔ: fourth tone. No, no problems there…. So what could have been funny about that?
Afterward I asked her why she laughed when I said ´òÁÔ. Laughing again, she replied, “kids don’t know that word!” I was a little confused. I felt pretty sure the word is not at all formal or complicated. Huh?
I asked for clarification. “What, because no one hunts in China?”
“Right. It’s just not something they ever come into contact with.”
Whaaat…? Were these city kids really that removed from nature? But, when I thought about it, it actually made sense. So then I thought about the USA. Why does “hunt” seem like such a basic word to me, even in modern society? Is it partly because of the role “Indians” still play in our culture? Is it because of the American pioneers? Is it because the word “hunt” has crossed over into so many other areas of the language, like “Easter egg hunt” and “manhunt?”
OK, there’s a really obvious reason: that there are actually large sections of America where hunting is considered a legitimate form of recreation. There are gun freaks and gun shows. “Hunt” is the only acceptable verbal refuge for what they do with their guns. And the USA still has lots of land where animals roam free.
In China, I’m guessing, the majority of “hunting” that goes on is “poaching.” It’s pretty clear that the average Chinese person has seen very little wildlife (in a natural setting) in his lifetime. If you go on a trip to Huangshan or some other mountain, you can witness Chinese people freaking out in glee over a brief squirrel sighting.
But animals and overpopulation: vehicle for linguistic change? Weird thought.
P.S. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I feel unable to write normally due to my recent obsession with Daily Dinosaur Comics. If you read them, you’ll understand why. I must read them all….
23
Nov 2004Accidental Obscenity
I was teaching some kindergarteners today, holding up a picture of a frog:
Me: What’s this?
Kids: ÇàÍÜ!
Me: Say “frog.”
Kids: Flock!
Me: ffffff…rrrrrrr…ahhhhhhh…g!
Kids: ffffff…rrrrrrr…ahhhhhhh…g!
Me: Frog!
Kids: FROG!
[5 minutes pass]Me: What’s this?
Kids: FUCK!
Hmmm… close?